You made me cry and you don't even care
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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