im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
