We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
