Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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