i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
