i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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