They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize