I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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