I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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