I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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