she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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