how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
