her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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