I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
