Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
