So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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