I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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