her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
