good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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