there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
A+ Viking dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
