Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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