You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
