The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
