I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize