i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
