i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
