Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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