One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
