I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
