eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
