Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
