Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
