Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize