This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize