We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
