Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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