oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
