Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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