she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dick very happy bro
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
