The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
