I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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