Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize