She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need a beard to bite.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
