I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
