I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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