I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
40s are totally the cure
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
