i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize