But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
