I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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