fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
