Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
