no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
