So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
