yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
