Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
