my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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