Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
