Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
