from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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