he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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