he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she woke up with a sticky ear
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
