"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
