I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
