last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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