everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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