kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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