Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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