just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize