I love black thongs
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
