Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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