i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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