I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
