That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
