Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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