So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is my gift to your gina
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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