Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
