These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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