I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
