Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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