u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
