Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
