I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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