She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
